tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77102199513643347582011-08-02T13:55:05.434-05:00Stories of Unscripted Family LifePaige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.comBlogger201100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-89855134429366171652010-03-08T22:37:00.003-06:002010-03-09T08:29:26.136-06:00

Katy's mother, Donna Koonce, wanted a baby girl.The year was 1962. Donna and her husband, a small-town Texas football coach called Big Phil, had two strapping young sons. But Donna yearned for a soul mate, a confidante, a fashion plate. In a word, she wanted a daughter.This was before the advent of routine prenatal ultrasounds, but Donna was undaunted by the lack of reliable information about the

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-38327741116436515982009-06-19T09:36:00.003-05:002009-06-19T09:39:15.262-05:00

It feels like 95 degrees in the shade. We're standing in line at the municipal pool. The mom in front of us has three kids and a tattoo on her cleavage that says "Ivan" or "Juan," I can't tell which. My hand moves reflexively toward the "Katy" on my own arm. Before I can solve the mystery of Ivan/Juan, the woman moves on. Now it's our turn to pay the pasty teen behind the concrete counter.Once

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-76087765674666800712009-06-19T09:26:00.002-05:002009-06-19T10:04:38.475-05:00

A while back, I attended a workshop for LGBT families. At lunch, the organizers asked parents to break into small groups and talk about "things that sustain us." My group was chewing its sandwiches in awkward silence, so I decided to plunge in: for me, one of the most sanity-preserving practices has been staying connected to my queer communities."You do that?" asked a gay dad in his late thirties

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-88987943309539215862009-06-19T09:21:00.002-05:002009-06-19T09:32:03.609-05:00

Lately, when I've been blogging about my wife, Katy Koonce, it's been about her role as dynamic front man for the "silicone cock rock" band Butch County. In honor of Mother's Day, I asked her to talk with me about mothering from beyond the gender binary. In the course of our conversation, we touched on t-ball, chest surgery, field trips, and bathrooms. Paige: Although people on the street tend

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-87105280483897815642009-06-19T09:18:00.002-05:002009-06-19T09:32:17.260-05:00

When I was pregnant with my son, I heard a comedienne talking about the aftereffects of childbirth: "I'm peeing all the time. I'm actually peeing right now," she said. That will never happen to me, I told myself. I was in denial--the kind of deep, pre-delivery denial that ensures the continuation of the species. This maternal defense mechanism sustained several calming delusions. I believed

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-75538634677621758502009-05-03T21:14:00.001-05:002009-05-03T21:47:31.599-05:00

The other night, my 5-year-old son, Waylon, was sitting on the toilet and reading Us Weekly. (Normally I would not confess that our home harbors such toxic tabloid sludge--much less that we expose our child to it--but since it is pivotal to my tale, I will just clarify that it is all my spouse's fault.) "Mom!" Waylon shouted from the bathroom. "Come here! You gotta see this cute baby." I

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-48245784583466919852009-05-03T21:04:00.003-05:002009-06-19T10:04:38.475-05:00

Last week I attended a 60th birthday celebration for my friend Joanna Labow, percussionist and one of several singer/songwriters for the groundbreaking lesbian rock band Girls in the Nose, which reunited for the occasion. Nose co-founder Kay Turner will also turn 60 this year. But--as Joanna noted in a song that she wrote for her party--this is not a version of old ladydom that you hear about in

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-76889118098026826142009-04-28T13:00:00.001-05:002009-05-03T21:47:31.599-05:00

Yesterday I spent the morning perched on a tiny plastic chair, observing my son Waylon's yoga class. Although I have studied yoga for years, kindergarten yoga was most enlightening. For instance, I learned that the lotus position can also be called "criss-cross applesauce." And kindergarten apparently presents an exception to the ancient injunction that yoga must be performed barefoot. (I suspect

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-46991216999493988592009-04-28T12:52:00.001-05:002009-04-28T13:15:24.398-05:00

I've been holding my tongue for a while now. My son, Waylon, started kindergarten this past August. Until two weeks ago, his entire public school career had overlapped with the campaign against Prop 8. Although we live all the way across the country in Texas, we heard the rumors about focus groups in California: lesbian and gay families with children weren't testing well and were asked to keep

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-73133333969453467392009-04-28T12:20:00.000-05:002009-04-28T12:51:09.834-05:00

A few days ago, I was hanging out in the backyard with my son, Waylon, and his friend, Mike. I was watering the garden; they were molding playdoh into fantastic, multi-colored monsters. "Mama," Waylon asked. "Do you like stripes?" Since my sartorial preference for striped shirts is a well-established fact, I didn't think twice before answering "uh-huh." "Do you love stripes?" "Yes." "Then

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-81166459666486597052008-08-01T15:01:00.004-05:002009-04-28T13:21:17.409-05:00

PrologueA few weeks ago, I went to a conference called “Buddhas and Brains” to hear Khen Rinpoche, the Abbott of the Tashi Lunpho monastery-in-exile. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, Tashi Lunpho monastery plays an important role in the education of young Dalai Lamas, and Rinpoche concluded his talk with several charming stories about teaching mindfulness and compassion to children through

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-52311221206257647502008-08-01T14:58:00.004-05:002009-04-28T13:21:17.409-05:00

Act I: The Unsuspecting Heroine Encounters Naked Aggression and is Unsettled by Her Own ReactionLately I’ve been writing about Waylon’s precocious, insightful moments. I knew it was time for a reality check when my friend Seth sent me a note saying “That child of yours is too sophisticated--does he want to meet me for happy hour?”A few weeks ago, Waylon was in “time out” for hitting. At the end

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-14962280107435642702008-08-01T14:56:00.010-05:002009-04-28T11:42:12.998-05:00

ACT II: Looking Back: a Personal History with AngerIn my experience, one of the most novel and bizarre challenges of being a parent is weathering the unregulated pintsize aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, etc.) that comes your way in the course of normal child development. Before Waylon came along, no one had ever thrown shoes at my head to express frustration. People did not resort to

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-59457543994545203582008-08-01T14:54:00.001-05:002009-04-28T13:21:17.409-05:00

Act III: Bringing the Past and the Present TogetherBefore Waylon was born, I went to see Daniel Siegel, one of the leading scholars of interdisciplinary neurobiology, give a talk about parenting. Siegel explained that unresolved traumatic experiences are more likely to be stored in our brains as disorganized, implicit memories that color our perception and experience without becoming part of our

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-37440956557545612452008-07-27T14:12:00.000-05:002009-06-19T10:04:38.475-05:00

I live in Austin, Texas, where Pride tends to be a little more laid back than other cities. Let's face it, when it's 97 degrees outside with 30% humidity, your eye shadow will melt, your leather pants will feel like a personal sauna, and any outdoor festival is going to feel like an endurance test. Nevertheless, as a dutifully proud mama, I've been bringing my son to Austin Gay Pride since he

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-29758438206344160502008-07-27T13:37:00.000-05:002009-04-28T12:45:42.270-05:00

Yesterday my partner, Katy, and I were legally married by our friend Jay Bakker, the Pastor of Revolution NYC.During the ceremony, Jay spoke of his late mother, Tammy Faye Messner, and how happy she would have been to see the day when gay and lesbian couples could legally wed in California. A remarkable straight advocate in his own right, Jay spoke of feeling Tammy Faye’s presence and her

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-61616753182653385812008-07-27T13:29:00.000-05:002009-05-03T21:48:32.370-05:00

Last Sunday, on Mother’s Day, my family and I were part of a group of LGBT families who visited Lakewood Church—the largest and fastest-growing mega-church in the nation. Located in Houston, Texas, and housed in a former basketball stadium, Lakewood Church is pastored by the Rev. Joel Osteen. If you’ve walked through an airport in the past six months, you’ve doubtless seen Rev. Osteen smiling

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-38817038992631655992008-03-28T09:49:00.000-05:002009-04-28T12:51:09.834-05:00

Last week was spring break, so I got to spend a lot of time gardening with my four-year-old son, Waylon. He was really excited to capture his first roly poly bug of the season. The poor creature had curled up into a little protective ball, and Waylon was about to shove it in his pocket, but then thought better of it (ahem) with a little parental prodding. He decided instead to free it in a pot

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-15902750894565393432008-03-14T21:53:00.000-05:002009-04-28T12:51:09.835-05:00

The following is an actual transcript of a conversation with my 4-year-old son, Waylon. I have to preface it by saying that Waylon had his first experience with diarrhea recently, and it was confusing and a little scary, so we’ve been processing.Waylon: I have to poop right now, or else I'm gonna poop in my pants.
Paige: (getting up and heading for the bathroom) We don’t want that to happen.


Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7710219951364334758.post-49029251000788780552008-01-19T11:45:00.000-06:002009-04-28T11:40:40.050-05:00

Almost 20 years after Eve Sedgwick's article "How to Bring Your Kids Up Gay" appeared in Social Text, the title still evokes a frisson of danger--especially, I suppose, among queer parents like myself, who are often sensitive to claims that we are unduly and irresponsibly influencing our kids' gender or sexual identities by exposing them to a wider range of possibilities. Those who would make

Paige Schilthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13077337446866501785noreply@blogger.com0