Marriage Equality and the Spirit of Tammy Faye (June 2008)


Yesterday my partner, Katy, and I were legally married by our friend Jay Bakker, the Pastor of Revolution NYC.

During the ceremony, Jay spoke of his late mother, Tammy Faye Messner, and how happy she would have been to see the day when gay and lesbian couples could legally wed in California. A remarkable straight advocate in his own right, Jay spoke of feeling Tammy Faye’s presence and her blessing on our work toward justice for LGBT Americans.

The ceremony happened in Orange County of all places, an area renowned for its conservatism. On a day when some fundamentalist Christians were protesting the Orange County courthouse in God’s name, it seemed fitting to remember Tammy Faye’s more compassionate version of evangelical faith. In a 2000 interview with The Advocate, she said, “my walk with God is very non judgmental. I love people just for who they are.”

Jay read his mom’s favorite scripture (Romans 8:18). He also read from the book of James: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds…”

Since he began speaking out as a gay-affirming pastor, Jay has faced his share of trials, including the loss of financial support for his church and the cancellation of many speaking engagements. But as one of the clergy leaders for the American Family Outing, he has demonstrated a deep and sincere identification with LGBT people who feel marginalized by the church.

Over the past six weeks, The American Family Outing has met with staff and families at six of the most influential mega-churches in the United States. (Our little wedding party was in the OC for a meeting with the staff of Saddleback Church.) One of the recurring threads of our conversations with many of the churches has been the idea that gay and lesbian people are “welcome” as long as they commit to celibacy.

When I look at my (lawfully wedded) wife and think of all of the joys and tribulations we’ve faced together—from the birth of our son to Katy’s heart attack, from changing diapers to changing careers—my heart aches for all of the LGBT people who are told that they must not only abjure sexual expression (no small part of our human experience), but also live without the intimacy, support, and companionship of a partner.

It’s a narrow and dehumanizing kind of love that says “you’re welcome here if you can give up what the rest of us cherish and celebrate everyday.”

Tammy Faye didn’t believe in that version of God’s love. And neither does her son. Jay says that being part of this historic moment is moving him to prep a new sermon on the Bible and LGBT justice.

Check him out on the Revolution NYC website.

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